Don't look for any names or locations in this tale. Everything that could possibly identify any person or place has been thoroughly scrubbed and redacted for obvious reasons.
The Back Story
There is a fairly large church cemetery in which a couple of Poppa Br'er's uncles and aunts from his mother's family rest. He only knew where one aunt and uncle rested. But the other two. No clue.
So, several years ago, Ol' Br'er took up the challenge of researching that branch of the family tree and seeing what could be dug up. FIGURATIVELY! Between online searches and systematically searching the cemetery on site, Br'er found all kinds of fascinating stuff, most of which surprised Poppa Br'er. To say nothing of shocking Br'er himself.
Now, Br'er cannot limit his efforts to what he is looking for. Everything is a bright, shiny object that distracts him. so you can imagine the sheer amount of time he had to put into this effort!
First off, he learned that somewhere between 50% and 80% of the people in the cemetery are kinfolks on Poppa Br'er's paternal side. While fascinating and great to know, none of this does a damn thing to help with the questions of his maternal relatives that were the subject of the exercise.
Refocused on the actual task at hand, Br'er managed to find a Find A Grave entry for the missing aunt in this cemetery. It turned out that she had remarried later in life and was buried under the surname of her second husband. Armed with all this information, it was back out to the cemetery to grid-search and find her.
This is not what one would call a 'small' cemetery. Walking it and reading every marker took the better part of a day. In the course of that walk, Br'er not only found the aunt's grave but also added several graves to Find A Grave. One of these was about two spaces from the aunt he had been searching for and marked only by a temporary funeral home marker - the stamped steel and paper form kind. What stood out about this particular grave was that the burial was several years ago, yet only the temporary marker was in no place. Sad, but not everyone can afford a headstone.
But! There is a twist here! Br'er kept researching the tree and learned that this grave is one of Poppa Br'er's first cousins; the son of the aunt he had been searching for. This cousin has the surname of the aunt's first husband, so Br'er did not immediately associate him to the aunt despite their graves being separated by only one space. Additional research revealed that this cousin was career military. All veterans are entitled to receive a grave marker from the Veterans Administration at no cost (well, no cost other than installation). So there was no reason for his grave to be unmarked unless it was his wish.
The Interim
Armed with all this information - including the funeral home that handled the cousin's service (it was on the temporary marker) - Br'er set out to get him his VA marker.
Br'er expected that he would have to submit a request for the marker with the VA. That submission requires a funeral home or mortuary also sign off on the request because the VA will only ship a marker to a funeral home, mortuary, or cemetery. And this cemetery does not have an office or staff, much less a shipping address. Who better to contact for this request than the funeral home that buried the cousin? So, he called them to discuss the matter.
Excuse me? You HAVE his marker? It is sitting awaiting installation?
Yes. The funeral director recalled the service and marker. The VA had provided the gravestone shortly after the burial. And it had been sitting at the funeral home for years.
Br'er was more than a little confused.
The funeral director went on to explain that he had not been given permission or instruction from the deceased's daughter - who was the only person who could do so because she was the one who arranged the service and burial. Basically, she arranged for her father's burial and then headed for the horizon, never to be heard from again.
He did provide Br'er with all her contact data except a phone number. He was not permitted to share that.
Br'er sent an email requesting she grant permission for him to have her father's headstone placed. No response. A few months later, Br'er tried a letter. He included a document needing only her signature authorizing the funeral home to release the stone to him. She simply needed to sign it, place it in the addressed and stamped envelope provided, and drop it in the mail. This, too, proved a fruitless effort. More months go by with no response.
One could be forgiven for concluding that she had less than warm feelings for her father.
Br'er and Poppa Br'er chalked the whole thing up to "We tried." and moved on.
Fate Intervenes
Fast forward a year or so. The husband of a mutual first cousin of Poppa and the unmarked cousin passes away. Where should the funeral be? Yup! The same one that Br'er had contacted!
Surely this is a sign from the Universe! What better chance to make another attempt to obtain the languishing stone?
Before the service, Poppa Br'er and Br'er pull the funeral director aside for a chat. Br'er begins recounting their prior conversation, and his attempts to contact the MIA daughter. The funeral director recalled the conversations.
"I can show you where it is." he offered and began walking to the rear of the building. Br'er and Poppa Br'er following in hot pursuit. Exiting to the rear parking area, he gestured to a wood pallet nestled against the building on which sat two headstones. One being that of Poppa Br'er's cousin.
"I have no idea what happened to that marker. It sat here for years and just disappeared one day." said the funeral director before turning and re-entering the building.
"I have no idea what happened to that marker. It sat here for years and just disappeared one day." said the funeral director before turning and re-entering the building.
Well, alrighty then!
So it came to pass that Br'er added "grave marker theft" to his long list of transgressions.
A Bonus
Br'er has, through certain channels, the acquaintance of a retired Army Chaplain. This chaplain keeps his hand in with soldiers. He may be officially retired from the Army, but he hasn't retired from tending his brothers in arms. And, he has that perverse sense of humor only obtained from serving in combat. Br'er knew he would delight in hearing how Br'er had "Tactically Acquired" (military slang for stolen without being caught) a soldier's headstone. In truth, there simply could not be a more appropriate way to mark a soldier's grave than with a "tactically acquired tombstone."
Not only did Chappy enjoy the story, but he absolved Br'er of the sins committed in obtaining the stone, and asked to be allowed to participate in setting the stone. As he put it, "This is a soldier who clearly needs to be remembered and saluted."
So, three miscreants will convene and see that a cousin and brother receives the remembrance and honor that is his due. Or maybe they already have.
Just in case you doubt this tale:
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