The Deed is Done

If there was ever any doubt that Ol' Br'er is a damned fool, it has been washed away by the sheer volume of sweat he expended recently.

A week or so back, Br'er told a tale of Heisting a Headstone, Tactically Acquiring a Tombstone, Grifting a Grave Marker. Pause here and refresh your memory, if necessary.

Much as Pappa Br'er might have enjoyed toting that thing around in the pickup bed, it was long past time for it to be placed where it belonged.

The Krew headed out as early as old people who don't like mornings could manage. The site is a good distance from Br'er's warren. So arriving about 11:00 AM was considered 'crack o'dawn.' The temp was hovering in the mid-90s with an oh-so-comfy humidity settling in in the 100% range.

Who could ask for more?

First things first, we had to clear a path (the grass was a little high, and some expected participants are none too agile) and prepare the ground. Pappa Br'er grabbed the weed-whacker while Br'er started on the ground.

Fortunately for Br'er, the ground was the easier task.

That "temporary" marker has been there for almost four years to the day!

The ground is still pretty soft and relatively rock free. Digging required only a hand mattock and about five minutes.

Instead of trying to pour a cement base - which seemed entirely unnecessary - we laid a brick base for the marker to set on.

This is a work-in-process image. The final space was widened, more brick was added, and a layer of thick acrylic was placed under the bricks to retard any tendency for the stone to 'sink' over time. The whole structure ended up with the bottom of the stone about an inch below ground level. To the naked eye, it looked like it had been professionally set in cement!

One member of the party, along with Pappa Br'er, Mrs. Br'er, and Ol' Br'er himself, was a retired Army Chaplain. Br'er had shared the whole story with him. Hearing it, he declared that his Brother had been neglected and forgotten, and it was time to correct those errors. He "offered" (read that as "Try to stop me, and I will kick your ass") to say a few words over the deceased.

Now, I must go off on a tangent here. A few things need to be shared if you are to appreciate this situation. Firstly, Chappie recently fell and fractured a LOT of bones, including his neck and back! He spent over a month in the hospital and is FAR from recovered. Secondly, this was his first real solo outing since coming home. Mrs. Chappie was not so sanguine about his going at all, let alone unaccompanied. Thirdly, the damned fool had no business being out in the heat. None of us did, to be honest, but he less than others. Fourthly, both Chappie and the deceased were deployed to "The Sandbox"; The Persian Gulf. 

Knowing all this, you can, I hope, appreciate Chappie's determination and sacrifice in attending.

Whilst Br'er and Pappa Br'er were sweating their cotton tails off, Chappie and Mrs. Br'er wandered about the cemetery. Mrs. Br'er pointed out the vast swath of residents who are various and sundry kin to Br'er.

Br'er used D/2 on this relative about a year ago. This is just one application. Before that, it was as blackened as the following stones.

The two stones here were also cleaned with D/2. The back stone is a variegated granite common to the area.

In the end, there were only a paltry six people there to hear Chappie. Several extended family of the deceased were invited to join in. But, for various reasons, most were unable to attend.

If you have never done it, understand that speaking about someone you never met and have virtually no information on is a damned hard task. Yet, Chappie did so with heartfelt grace, speaking as only a Brother in Arms could. I am willing to wager he did a better job than whomever (if anyone) spoke at the original service, even if he did so in sandals.

Lastly, Mrs. Br'er broke a cardinal rule. She captured a rare photo of Ol' Br'er hard at work.

On the other hand

In my previous post, I lamented older family cemeteries that are neglected, abandoned, and left to deteriorate.

On the other hand, there are little places like this one I happened upon a while back. It directly abuts the road and is in a rural area. There are a couple of houses relatively nearby, but the vast majority of the surrounding land is either timber growing operations or deer hunting reserves. It is not a highly trafficked stretch of road by any means.

Yet, here is this obviously maintained cemetery. A couple of dozen graves or so. 

Makes you almost believe that people are not entirely horrible. 

Almost.

 

That's your cue, Princess Anna

Straight from Arendelle, here is Princess Anna with a new take on her hit song, "Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?" Get ready for the new version, "Do You Wanna Steal A Headstone?"

Don't look for any names or locations in this tale. Everything that could possibly identify any person or place has been thoroughly scrubbed and redacted for obvious reasons.

The Back Story

There is a fairly large church cemetery in which a couple of Poppa Br'er's uncles and aunts from his mother's family rest. He only knew where one aunt and uncle rested. But the other two. No clue. 

So, several years ago, Ol' Br'er took up the challenge of researching that branch of the family tree and seeing what could be dug up. FIGURATIVELY! Between online searches and systematically searching the cemetery on site, Br'er found all kinds of fascinating stuff, most of which surprised Poppa Br'er. To say nothing of shocking Br'er himself. 

Now, Br'er cannot limit his efforts to what he is looking for. Everything is a bright, shiny object that distracts him. so you can imagine the sheer amount of time he had to put into this effort!

First off, he learned that somewhere between 50% and 80% of the people in the cemetery are kinfolks on Poppa Br'er's paternal side. While fascinating and great to know, none of this does a damn thing to help with the questions of his maternal relatives that were the subject of the exercise.

Refocused on the actual task at hand, Br'er managed to find a Find A Grave entry for the missing aunt in this cemetery. It turned out that she had remarried later in life and was buried under the surname of her second husband. Armed with all this information, it was back out to the cemetery to grid-search and find her.

This is not what one would call a 'small' cemetery. Walking it and reading every marker took the better part of a day. In the course of that walk, Br'er not only found the aunt's grave but also added several graves to Find A Grave. One of these was about two spaces from the aunt he had been searching for and marked only by a temporary funeral home marker - the stamped steel and paper form kind. What stood out about this particular grave was that the burial was several years ago, yet only the temporary marker was in no place. Sad, but not everyone can afford a headstone.

But! There is a twist here! Br'er kept researching the tree and learned that this grave is one of Poppa Br'er's first cousins; the son of the aunt he had been searching for. This cousin has the surname of the aunt's first husband, so Br'er did not immediately associate him to the aunt despite their graves being separated by only one space. Additional research revealed that this cousin was career military. All veterans are entitled to receive a grave marker from the Veterans Administration at no cost (well, no cost other than installation). So there was no reason for his grave to be unmarked unless it was his wish.

The Interim

Armed with all this information - including the funeral home that handled the cousin's service (it was on the temporary marker) - Br'er set out to get him his VA marker. 

Br'er expected that he would have to submit a request for the marker with the VA. That submission requires a funeral home or mortuary also sign off on the request because the VA will only ship a marker to a funeral home, mortuary, or cemetery. And this cemetery does not have an office or staff, much less a shipping address. Who better to contact for this request than the funeral home that buried the cousin? So, he called them to discuss the matter.

Excuse me? You HAVE his marker? It is sitting awaiting installation?

Yes. The funeral director recalled the service and marker. The VA had provided the gravestone shortly after the burial. And it had been sitting at the funeral home for years.

Br'er was more than a little confused.

The funeral director went on to explain that he had not been given permission or instruction from the deceased's daughter - who was the only person who could do so because she was the one who arranged the service and burial. Basically, she arranged for her father's burial and then headed for the horizon, never to be heard from again.

He did provide Br'er with all her contact data except a phone number. He was not permitted to share that.

Br'er sent an email requesting she grant permission for him to have her father's headstone placed. No response. A few months later, Br'er tried a letter. He included a document needing only her signature authorizing the funeral home to release the stone to him. She simply needed to sign it, place it in the addressed and stamped envelope provided, and drop it in the mail. This, too, proved a fruitless effort. More months go by with no response.

One could be forgiven for concluding that she had less than warm feelings for her father.

Br'er and Poppa Br'er chalked the whole thing up to "We tried." and moved on.

Fate Intervenes

Fast forward a year or so. The husband of a mutual first cousin of Poppa and the unmarked cousin passes away. Where should the funeral be? Yup! The same one that Br'er had contacted!

Surely this is a sign from the Universe! What better chance to make another attempt to obtain the languishing stone?

Before the service, Poppa Br'er and Br'er pull the funeral director aside for a chat. Br'er begins recounting their prior conversation, and his attempts to contact the MIA daughter. The funeral director recalled the conversations.

"I can show you where it is." he offered and began walking to the rear of the building. Br'er and Poppa Br'er following in hot pursuit. Exiting to the rear parking area, he gestured to a wood pallet nestled against the building on which sat two headstones. One being that of Poppa Br'er's cousin.

"I have no idea what happened to that marker. It sat here for years and just disappeared one day." said the funeral director before turning and re-entering the building.

Well, alrighty then!

So it came to pass that Br'er added "grave marker theft" to his long list of transgressions.

A Bonus

Br'er has, through certain channels, the acquaintance of a retired Army Chaplain. This chaplain keeps his hand in with soldiers. He may be officially retired from the Army, but he hasn't retired from tending his brothers in arms. And, he has that perverse sense of humor only obtained from serving in combat. Br'er knew he would delight in hearing how Br'er had "Tactically Acquired" (military slang for stolen without being caught) a soldier's headstone. In truth, there simply could not be a more appropriate way to mark a soldier's grave than with a "tactically acquired tombstone."

Not only did Chappy enjoy the story, but he absolved Br'er of the sins committed in obtaining the stone, and asked to be allowed to participate in setting the stone. As he put it, "This is a soldier who clearly needs to be remembered and saluted."

So, three miscreants will convene and see that a cousin and brother receives the remembrance and honor that is his due. Or maybe they already have.

Just in case you doubt this tale:

 

This is not a good trend

Tracking down extended branches of the family tree often results in surprising results. Not all of these are pleasant.

Such was the case tracking down some of Ol' Br'er's Autry kinfolk. Now, it is important to know that this branch of the family tended to stay within a couple of counties in northeast Georgia. So, you can imagine his surprise when he found a branch that had relocated near Atlanta, much closer to Br'er's home warren! So close were these graves that making a visit was a moral imperative.

On paper and maps, this is a large, urban cemetery. 

On paper.

In reality, it turns out to be another abandoned cemetery. Find A Grave cites more than 1,000 memorials. As is the case with so many of these cemeteries where the business operating them has gone bankrupt, burials continue to take place. Families that purchased plots still have the right to use them. It falls to the family to arrange for the grave opening and closing, headstone placement, etc. Usually, they contract through the funeral home to arrange all these things. But, since there are no centralized records, the family is responsible for specifying the exact grave location.

Much more interesting/terrifying was finding a couple apparently living in the cemetery!! They had a camper trailer set up and had clearly been there for some time. Granted, they did appear (as they claimed) to be mowing the grass and removing fallen trees. 

That did nothing to ease Ol' Br'er's danger signals. Something about the whole setup was just too sketchy for his comfort. Normally he keeps his pew-pew out of sight (unless he is alone in the hinterlands). Not this time. The pew-pew was deliberately and prominently displayed on his hip. Fortunately, he found his relatives in less than a minute, did the requisite updates to Find A Grave, and was back in the car and out of there almost as quickly.

These abandoned cemeteries are heartbreaking. As I understand it, today companies are required to set up financial investments that will cover future costs to maintain the property in perpetuity. But this is a very recent change, leaving hundreds or thousands of commercial cemeteries exempted from the law. And, the new laws do not impact private family cemeteries, either newly created or existing. Maintenance of these sites is the responsibility of the family. Should the family relocate or die off, no one is responsible for maintenance.

Should someone purchase a property where one of these abandoned burial sites is, they are under absolutely no obligation to maintain it. On the other side of that coin, they cannot alter or destroy it, either. Doing so and getting caught means stiff legal penalties.

Much as I would like to see these places better protected and maintained, I cannot support efforts calling for cities, counties, etc. to pick up that responsibly. Doing this would simply encourage people to deliberately abandon sites forcing government to pick up the expense. And, these maintenance costs would never cease. All that is before considering any liabilities assumed by taking over maintenance. Someone falls in the cemetery and sues whatever government level is maintaining the site.

Sadly, there are no good, easy options. 

 

The Dangers of Back Roads

Several months ago, Mrs. Br'er and I attended an out-of-state wedding. Rather than sticking to the interstate, we opted for some back roads. As is our wont, we periodically checked Find A Grave for anything interesting or nearby photo requests. If the request was close, in a small cemetery (we did not have the time or inclination to wander through thousands of graves), and we were so inclined at the moment, we would stop. Stretching the legs is always a good idea on a long drive. And, considering how remote some of these locations are, it was unlikely that anyone else would be looking to fulfill these requests.

Such was the case when we came upon Gillette United Methodist Church and its little graveyard. As you can see in the photos, it is a small country church dating to the early 19th century. It is located close enough to the coast that Spanish Moss survives in the trees.

This would make one helluva location for filming, telling ghost stories, having a Halloween Party, and any number of other activities. We ended up spending about an hour there. Far longer than we planned.

Totally worth it. In that hour, many two vehicles went past. It was absolutely quiet and idyllic. Everything one could hope for in a final resting place.

No idea if ZOE is a first name, last name, or initials. The size indicates a child.

One has to assume the Bates family was important to the area if they warrant a road named after them.